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I am unhappy and that’s fine. Everyone is I think. It’s the underlying and pervasive feel of the times. We are being taken to task for everything, but none of that’s really here nor there in regards to this endeavor.
#MOODS is a collection of experiences and feelings, findings and notes on my personal history.
This kind of writing is common enough and there probably isn’t a thing about my style or the subject matter which is exceptional, unique, or innovative. But it’s my story so there’s that. And it perpetuated and validates itself. This is a necessary share; if not for my happiness then absolutely for my evolution and my journey to another place and time of understanding and appreciation for my life.
I can’t reach that place by neglecting my fury, or ignoring my pain. I have to look my fury head on, accept it’s existence and learn to control it and decide when it can and can not come out to play. The important thing here is that I own it and no longer allow other people to make me feel bad for this part of myself. All the halves make the whole, you know. I have to go into the darkest territory of who I am to allow for the brightest part to shine. They work together.
I realized, for all my self-awareness and examination and observation of the world around me, I was still unable to see myself clearly. Or better, I was unable to see clearly the manifestation of my multidimensional self. There was someone inside I was keeping hostage, and there was someone outside who other people knew better than I did. She was someone I didn’t completely like, but had become dependent upon, and invested in. Like a star athlete who’s contract is too massive, and behavior unmanageable to unload – especially and precisely because when they perform they’re everything you paid for.
This was where I’d arrived in 2016.
There are some revelations, but nothing that was really secret when you think about it. (I don’t believe anything is really a secret. Some people just hide better than others, and some look away easier).
I make no apologies in advance for anyone’s offense at my opinion of them. You should have thought about that before. And if you don’t like what I wrote then write me back one better.
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